we have pet lesbian snakes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
