I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
