I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
