I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
