Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
