You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
