Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
