I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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