and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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