Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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