I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize