If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
