My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
