The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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