Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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