How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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