i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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