glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
