there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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