the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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