She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
