So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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