Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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