I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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