I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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