If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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