Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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