the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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