I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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