my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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