You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They took my balls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
