phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize