I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
