maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
