U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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