lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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