Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
