break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
