What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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