walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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