I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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