Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
