i permit you to call me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
