my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
