Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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