Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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