I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
