you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
