I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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