using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
