I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
