Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
