Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
