3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
