I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
