I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
