his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize