He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
