Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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