You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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