i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize