Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
