My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
