Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
