I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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