We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
