where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
