New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
