my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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