my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
