You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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