fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
