last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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