I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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